Weekly recap 11/11-11/15 (Escapism)

Holy cow.

What a week. My swims are getting shorter and more infrequent as I get closer to finals week (just shy of a month away, but still).
I've found myself waiting until the end of the week to get my swims in, with the logic that: "I swam too much at the end of last week and over the weekend, time to get my head down and catch up." BUT THEN... somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday its like: "OMFG. Too much. Too much. Too much. THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO BURN and me with it! What to do?!"

umm... duh. Get your butt to the pool and swim.

This week was so bad for anxiety that one of my friends at school cornered me, "You need to go swim. When was the last time you swam?" long silent awkward pause, me with eyes down of verge of tears, "Ummm. okay then. Go to the gym. Like right now. Okay?"

That was Thursday. I swam. I told myself that my goggles were leaking and that is why they were so full of water. The concrete box felt like a coffin, and I dragged myself out after half an hour. Initially feeling defeated and downtrodden I took a cold shower and plodded back to campus.

It's amazing the lies we tell ourselves when we are flailing at a way to keep it together. Some people run or self medicate with drugs and alcohol to escape their problems; to quiet an unquiet and unkempt mind, I swim.

Let me back up a bit. Thursday was a discussion day in my psychosocial class. Several people said things like, "Well, people with ______ don't think/feel/act like normal people, like us." Wow. This is a professional-level doctorate program. I have never ever felt so slapped in the face by people I thought I knew and respected. Fast forward to getting cornered and being told to swim.

Still feeling like too much. Seriously, I got on the train to go home and punch keys on a keyboard for my human movement class. I got off at the next stop rode my bike to the pool and swam my fastest 500m in over a year. That swim was the polar opposite of the day before. What a relief. I almost gave up on the power of the pool.

Oh. And it turns out my goggles do leak a little.

See? I made a pretty pyramid. 

Thursday: 2100m
Classic 1600m pyramid building up to 200m by 25s and back down again.
500m of procrastination.

Friday: 2250m
500m first off- 7:30.29! yeah!
Pyramids. Ran out of time to finish, girl gotta catch a train.


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