Thursday 1/23/2020

Some mornings I can't bring myself to get out of bed and catch the train in time to swim before class, today was not one of those days. Feeling drained, I elected to not plan a workout and instead swim on of my favorite sets: 1000m repeaters. I got in 3 before needing to head to class.
Already I'm feeling the emotional fatigue of returning to school. Insomnia and middle of the night panics are already starting and it's the first week of class. Maybe its a conditioned response in anticipation of what's to come. Maybe by establishing a low emotional and sleep baseline early on will help make the lows and anxiety not so intense. Like, if I brace myself it will be more okay? Um... probably not. The 1.5-hour commute isn't getting any shorter and my reading lists are getting longer, but so are my weekly swim goals... so there's that.

Then there's this: I leave for the 24 Hour relay next Thrusday! Instead of swimming before class I'll be swimming before catching a plane to San Francisco, more likely I'll be trying to do some reading for the following week before takeoff. I'm trying to do as little work as possible while in SF. The relay is a team event and I need to support my homies. 

Team Yeti 2019


In the back of my mind, I am always aware of the little indicators of mild mania approaching, and they're all there. Usually, I can cope by planning around certain things that make it worse or by downgrading my responsibilities (or at the very least not taking more on) but with school starting and training for open water season ramping up, I don't know if that can be possible. My responsibilities at home are going up too, my partner is having foot surgery in a week and a half and will need all the help I can offer since they won't be mobile for about a month. The only (unsolicited) advice I've received is to not swim as much or to drop those goals, but that part of my life is the only way that I get through the rest of it. I know that putting all my eggs in one basket is a risk, but right now I don't have the time or energy to find another basket. 

But for now... if you're going to San Francisco... 

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